FML

How do I go about explaining this one???

We were having phil's going away party last night and things got way out of hand. I had taken Ashton to the bedroom because everyone was being too loud for him to sleep. So Ashton and I sat in the bedroom and watched carebears. Jessica came in there for a while. After Ashton finally fel asleep I asked Eric if he'd come to bed. I really just wanted to spend sometime with him and talk about stuff. Well a little after that I came into the living room to find that my best friend, kristi, on top of phil and eric. I told Eric that he needed to leave so he came to he bedroom to talk to me about it and admitting kissing her. WHY WOULD MY BEST FRIEND DO THAT TO ME??? AND WHY WOULD MY FIANCE RUIN OUR FAMILY??? I'm beyond pissed. I don't have the words for anything. I guess that's why when Eric wanted to talk today I couldn't. All I could say s that there wasn't anything  to talk about. And when he kept on I started screaming that I hate him and that he fucked up my life and how big of a piece of shit he was. Truth is I knew something like this was going to happen. It always does. I shouldn't have let my guard down because every time I do, he does something like this. Maybe not to this extreme though. And I don't hate him. I could never hate him for some reason. Although it would make things a lot easier for me if I did. I'm promising myself that I won't take him back and that I won't believe a thing eric says. How can I trust him now right? I gave him all the chances I could. I really did. I don't understand why he wants to fuck up my life so bad. I don't understand why anyone would want to hurt someone like that. I did everything I possibly could for him. Everything. Anything he asked. Even if I didn't get it right, I still tried.

I put off breaking down until today. I guess that's when everything got real for me. I'm trying so hard to not fall into a deep depression for the sake of Ashton. He's the only light I have in my life. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my son. He's the one thing that's keeping me going right now. I'm sure as time goes on things will get easier. I'll find a new best friend that I can hopefully trust. (making sure it's a guy and not a gay one this time.)